The purpose of such a grandiose display of anger is twofold. This often involves dramatic and sometimes violent outbursts directed at the object of their anger. In fact, abandonment is seen as the ultimate narcissistic injury.įor that reason, the immediate response to a loss of control is narcissistic rage. When you don’t succumb to their efforts to control them, it feels as if you’re abandoning them. Given that a narcissist desperately needs other people as sources of that external validation, they have a deep-seated fear of abandonment. It’s as if a part of themselves is betraying them. When you defy their attempts to control you, they see it as almost the ultimate form of betrayal. How Will a Narcissist Respond When They Lose Control?īecause the narcissist in your life sees you as a mere extension of themself, they believe they have the right to control you. This often sends them into an attack mode to prevent the worst from happening. When the narcissist confronts this possibility, they are terrified and it can even cause a mental decompensation. They also fear they will lose the narcissistic supply they so desperately need. If that control is threatened, they fear they will be exposed as the hateful person they believe they are deep down – that worthless, inept true self they buried so long ago and are ashamed of today. For that reason, they are always trying to manipulate the people around them to get them to do what they want and need to feel good about themselves. That support comes from other people in their lives, but they need the admiration to be explicitly stated almost constantly. They hide it away and try to find support for the grandiose false self-image they created in its place. They are deeply ashamed of their true self and they have developed a sense of self-loathing as a result. They buried it because they became convinced they are worthless. They had buried their true self a long time ago as a result of their childhood experiences. When a narcissist fears they are losing control over a person or situation in their life, they feel extremely threatened. What Does the Narcissist Fear Will Happen If They are Not in Control? Both of those factors result in a strong sense that they need to control everything and everyone around them. Additionally, since they were never able to fully develop a sense of self to support themselves internally, they now need external validation from the people around them. The effect of these experiences in childhood is that the adult narcissist feels an extreme sense of insecurity. Overprotective parents never allow their children to make choices as they get older, and while they might think they’re doing their kids a favor, the end result is that the child is never able to develop the self-confidence and sense of self they need to function in a healthy way. They also definitely don’t see themselves as capable individuals, at least not inwardly. With that level of control exercised throughout their youth, by the time the narcissist is an adult, they may still be heavily dependent on their parents’ input to make choices in their life. As a certified life coach and narcissistic abuse recovery expert, Angie Atkinson recalls, “Growing up, I was always under my mother’s thumb.” They take control over everything their children do and they subject them to emotional manipulation throughout their young lives. Narcissistic parents will exercise complete emotional control over their offspring because they can’t take the chance that their offspring will expose them as the damaged person they truly are. Additionally, healthy parents let their children gain more control over their own lives and choices as they mature. Healthy parenting means teaching children how to recognize where boundaries lie and to respect them. They weren’t allowed to have control over their actions and choices. Narcissism develops due to childhood experiences where the narcissist was dominated either by toxic parents or overprotective parents who regulated all aspects of their life. Why Does a Narcissist Need to Control Everyone and Everything? What Other Tactics Will Narcissists Use to Re-Establish Control?.How Will a Narcissist Respond When They Lose Control?.What Does the Narcissist Fear Will Happen If They are Not in Control?.Why Does a Narcissist Need to Control Everyone and Everything?.
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